The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
