So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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