pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
