I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I would ride that face into the sunset
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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