when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
