I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
