I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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