he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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