Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
