Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize