dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
