For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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