I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
