I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize