I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
