i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
