Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
