we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
