please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize