I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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