He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize