alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
