I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
