Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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