God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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