I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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