Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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