My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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