We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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