please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
