Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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