Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
