I met the friendliest cop last night
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
