apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
