Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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