K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
