I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
