Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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