I didn't shave. On purpose
Soap is not a condiment
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
