we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
