I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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