dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
