Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
