fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
