bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
