If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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