I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
