apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
