When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
