I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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