I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize