Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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