you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
