did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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