successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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