I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
