When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
