***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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