If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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