I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Randomize
