Banned from zoo.
Again?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
