Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize