using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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