im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize