I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
