Ambien. No doubt about it.
You can't motorboat a personality
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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