sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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